Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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