Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
