I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
