dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
