I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
When are your genitals available?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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