no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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