soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
