guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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