Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
