she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
