I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
