I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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