yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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