it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
