I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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