I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
