They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
