i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
we're making bets on your personal life
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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