facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
