the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize