We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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