I heard we made out
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
