I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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