you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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