you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
