I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
