i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
do nipples grow back?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
