are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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