Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
