I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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