She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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