she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
