just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
