how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
