i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
