I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
