I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
