I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
