The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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