I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
