if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
