this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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