I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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