Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
