..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
