Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
