Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
