He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
