Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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