So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
