Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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