YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
