i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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