my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
