Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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