your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
