Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
