I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize