There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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