Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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