Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My breasts were aching with rage.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
