im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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