So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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