i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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