Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
