i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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