The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize