my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
