Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
