and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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