the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize