dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
