So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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