I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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