I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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