Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
