My liver just broke up with me...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize