we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
third nipple confirmed
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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