Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
