I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
